Audrey Meyerwitz wants to fall in love and have a family. But for this queer 30-something insomniac who’s struggled with Generalized Anxiety Disorder since childhood, it’s a goal that’s far from simple. When best friend Jessica, a recovering alcoholic, helps introvert Audrey with a profile on SheLovesHer, Audrey takes that scary first step toward her lifelong dream. Through online dating, immigrating to Canada, and having a baby with Down Syndrome, she struggles and grows. But when Audrey unearths a secret about her mother, everything about her identity as a mother, a daughter, and a person with mental illness ruptures. How do we create closeness from roots of deep alienation? With humor, honesty, and complexity, Audrey learns that healthy love means accepting gains and losses, taking off the blinders of fantasy, and embracing the messiness that defines human families.

Buy it: Demeter Press | Amazon

Falling Through the Night is a breathtaking debut novel. Audrey is thoroughly relatable as a person dealing with mental health issues who is also full of talent, courage, creativity, and love. A page turner, the book engaged me as both a human with my own struggles but also as a therapist who understands the complexities of early childhood trauma and all the pain involved in healing. Audrey’s immigration to Quebec was a wonderful opportunity to experience that culture and the particularities of a young queer artist fumbling and learning as she adapts. A wonderful portrayal of a woman doing the personal work we all need to do to grow. Inspiring, engaging, and ultimately incredibly hopeful. 

-Glo Harris, therapist and corporate coach

The winning combination of Schwartz’s beautifully crafted prose and attention to detail allows the reader to journey with Audrey across two countries in her quest for a new family and a better life. Falling Through the Night shines a light on the ups and downs of anxiety disorder and spins a story where the LGBTQ protagonist learns to recognize and accept herself, but so does everyone else.

-Lori Shwydky, Publisher, Rebel Mountain Press

Falling Through the Night is a beautifully crafted and moving look at the ways in which anxiety and family issues intersect. The book is one part magical romance and two parts unflinching account of a queer woman’s messy journey. Audrey’s path is to create a healthy family despite and because of a past shaped by lies and haunted by a mother she never knew. The book could be described as a page-turning beach read, as we are privy to the whirlwind, sweet, and romantic lesbian love story at the heart of this book. But Falling is so much more than that–it is also a deep dive into family, friendship, addiction, and mental health, at times leaving the reader breathless with all the complexity and beauty that is life.  

 -Dr. Jennifer Marlow, author and Professor of English, College of St. Rose

***

And here are a few words from the author!

Truth + Tall Tale = Falling Through the Night

I’m pretty ordinary in most ways: middle class, awkward, bookish. I’m a mom and I live in a small city and I’m an omnivore. But some of my experiences have been a bit out of the ordinary: Giving up a child for adoption. Immigrating. Parenting with another woman. Healing from anxiety. I never set out to write an autobiographically-based novel, but that seems to have happened anyway. Blending fact and fiction has been a fascinating journey, and the resulting work is something that’s moving early readers deeply.

Originally, Falling Through the Night, which launches from Demeter Press in February 2024, was a collection of personal essays about queer motherhood. I wanted to make a book using these pieces, but something wasn’t working about the ensemble. During a manuscript consultation with Canadian writer Betsy Warland, she looked at me quizzically during a meeting and asked whether this material might want to be a novel. It was a terrifying and thrilling thought…I’d never written a novel before. Ultimately, she was right. This was where the fun began.

Although Falling Through the Night’s protagonist, Audrey Meyerwitz, was based on me and some of my experiences, we’re actually quite different. Audrey is in her 30s, a lesbian and an introvert, and, most importantly, she’s an adoptee with a deeply devoted mother. She was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder as a child and grew up identifying as disabled and mentally ill. I’m in my 50s, bisexual, an extrovert, and grew up with my biological family. My own mother suffers from personality disorder, autism, and OCD, which created a host of problems growing up. Although anxiety is an issue for me, I did not have a diagnosis when I was a kid and do not consider myself disabled. Audrey’s issues stem from a choice her bio mother made, and I won’t tell you what it is because that would be a spoiler.

On the other hand, a great deal of Audrey’s experiences mirror mine. Like Audrey, I longed to create a healthy family and never felt capable, until it happened. I’ve spent a great deal of my life healing, and when I met my ex-wife (now best friend), I had just finished an intensive period of wellness after months with Lyme Disease. I met Lucie over the internet while living in Burlington, Vermont, and like Audrey, immigrated to Canada to be with her in Montreal. Audrey and I are both Jewish and both center our lives around creative practice.

After moving to Montreal, I met a bunch of other queer women, all immigrants, and those relationships slowly evolved and became “chosen family;” this experience informed Audrey’s connection with the “Itchy Mortals,” her queer gal pals. Unlike Audrey, however, I’ve stayed closely connected with those friends. Her character arc demanded that she learn how to say no, and this meant some loss, which was actually sad for me. It’s hard to watch your characters grieve.

Another chapter of my life that informed the novel was something Lucie and I lived when one of our close Montreal friends had terminal cancer and did not include us in her inner circle. Writing this part of the book was very therapeutic for me because as the novelist, I got to resolve a wrenchingly difficult situation that in real life had no resolution. The mere act of exploring another character’s point of view can be such a salve.

We also share the same pregnancy story. Like Audrey, I did IVF, got pregnant with twins, found out that one had Down Syndrome, and chose to give that baby up for adoption. I dated an adopted woman when I was in my 30s and learned a lot about adoption trauma; I wondered about how those issues could be transformative if the adoptee faced a similar choice as their birth parent. That experience had a much deeper meaning for Audrey because she herself was adopted.

Like Audrey, I had a best friend who was a recovering addict. Watching friends with addiction issues go through relapse is beyond heartbreaking, and it was something I felt compelled to write about. Although Jessica’s personality isn’t based on my friend, she is my second favorite character in the book, and I’m so grateful she’s such a big influence on my protagonist.

Maybe the most vulnerable overlap between Audrey and me is anxiety. Although I don’t have a disabled identity like Audrey, I was first sent to therapy at age five and was constantly in trouble at home. Audrey’s mom, on the other hand, is actually more loving precisely because of her daughter’s disability, whereas for my parents, my challenges provoked anger and resentment. I thought a great deal about Martha’s life, challenges, and motivations, and she is, in fact, my favorite character in the book, because she’s both such a caring parent and such a flawed one.

Are ordinary lives interesting? Not sure if there’s a good answer. In this case, I used what I knew as a jumping off point to what was a much more interesting and novel-worthy story about truth, healing, and what family can be when we get creative. So far, Falling Through the Night’s readers agree!